Remember me? It's been awhile - almost two months! I guess you could say that I've been suffering from writers block. Well, maybe that's not entirely true. I have plenty of topics swirling around in my head, but I just couldn't seem to get complete thoughts onto a screen.
To be honest, ever since my divorce, I've been struggling really badly with anxiety and depression. Anxiety is something I've dealt with for many years, but I thought I had finally gotten a handle on it. I guess going three of the major life stressors in a three month span is enough to send anyone spiraling.
Thankfully, with the help of talk therapy, tweaks to my medication and an incredibly amazing support system, I am back on track and feeling more and more life myself. I used to be embarrassed by my diagnosis. After all, on the outside I looked and seemed fine. Explaining life with an anxiety disorder to someone who's never felt it, is difficult. So I would chose to keep quiet and pretend that I was okay, rather than try to make an explanation. It's this big black cloud that follows me around and takes over my thoughts and clouds my ability to think rationally. My anxiety has cost me a lot of things over the years because taking care of it is a lot harder than you could imagine. It's an internal battle that I fight everyday.
Lately though, I've been a lot more open about my struggles. I realize that the only way to change the stigma of emotional disorders, is to talk about it. Put it out in the open. And I am realizing that there are more people just like me, struggling in silence.
I want to talk more about this on the blog, especially since writing is one of my better therapies. I've always loved writing and used to dream of being an author. Who knows, maybe one day I still will be!
If you are struggling with anxiety, depression or feelings of loneliness .... you are not alone. Here are some things that have really helped me.
1)
Meditation - I do grounding exercises in the midst of a bad anxiety attack. Find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. Focusing on these things can help to regulate your heart and breath. If it's a really bad episode, I do it several times until I am calm.
2)
Exercise - Exercise is the one thing that always and without fail helps me feel better. If I can't get to the gym, I pop in a workout DVD. I can feel myself calming and my thoughts quieting. Not to mention that it provides major physical relief.
3)
Supplements - My favorite is Nature Calm. I get it at WholeFoods, but it's also available on
Amazon. It's a magnesium supplement, that helps calm me. It also makes me sleepy, so taking it before bed ensures a good nights sleep!
4)
Journaling - Sometimes putting a pen to paper and talking over the anxiety is so helpful. I get the thoughts out of my head, and onto paper where I can better control them. I can think about them more rationally, and often times feel a hundred times better after!
5)
Therapy - I use online therapy through a site called BetterHelp.com - I LOVE it. I pay for a unlimited counseling sessions. I can message my therapist every day, and he responds within hours. We also schedule weekly "live chats" - but you can do a video or phone call too. I was lucky to get matched to an amazing therapist and he's been crucial to my progress.
I know that I will never be "cured" and that there is no magic pill that will make it all go away. But by being aware, knowing my triggers, communicating them, asking for help and continuing with my therapies, I will get 95% of the way there. And you know what, that's good enough for me :)
*This was a really vulnerable post for me to write, so thank you for listening and for your support!*
